Let's Talk About SHAME
Moody Talk Shame #1: Descriptive Words and Body Sensations and Experiences
Welcome to this month’s Moody Talk! We’ll be discussing Shame this month and this a big emotion to work with, to say the least!
For this initial talk, we get into how Shame is defined and when it is constructive and when it becomes toxic. As a woman living with Complex PTSD and Depression, I have a lot of experience in both constructive and painfully toxic shame. As a child, I was shamed for my body, my intellect, as well as for just being a girl. I know I am not alone in this experience and that is one of the biggest reasons for creating Moody.
This week we go through descriptive words for shame and then place them on a word scale in terms of their intensity. I do this for every first talk because I think it’s very important to understand what your shame words are and how intense they are for you. This helps to understand what level of stress you are feeling from that emotion and can use coping skills to help relieve that stress.
We also discuss how Shame can feel in our bodies - again, to understand what emotion you are feeling and how better to cope with the emotion. We also discuss actions we take and expressions we have of Shame. When you understand what your mind and body are feeling, you are better able to find the best way to handle it.
As always, if you have any questions or comments about this month’s emotion, please don’t hesitate to comment below! If you would like to discuss a specific aspect of Jealousy, please let me know.
If you are having a hard time coping with your emotions or you feel hopeless, I hope you will reach out to a trusted loved one, your doctor/therapist or the 988 suicide text hotline. You are not alone. You are loved.
Worksheets:
Moody Talk Shame #2: Shame vs. Toxic Shame (Trigger Warning)
I thought it was important to discuss the difference between functional shame and how it can become Toxic. When thinking about how I wanted to discuss this, I decided that it would be important for me to share my experience with Toxic Shame which may be triggering to those who have lived through childhood and/or domestic abuse. Although I do not get into specifics about sexual or physical abuse, I do talk about emotional abuse.
DBT describes Shame as going against the values, morals and/or ideals of a society someone is involved in. This could be a specific social circle or society, in general. Shame is explained as “I have done something bad (wrong).”
Toxic shame happens when someone is repeatedly told that “THEY, as a person, are bad.” This can become a part of someone’s identity - that they think they are a bad person.
I think what is most important to understand, that we, as people, have been exposed to Toxic Shame regardless of how good our childhoods or lives are. We’ve all probably heard - “Don’t cry, you have nothing to be sad about,” or “don’t be an angry girl,” or “you are making everyone uncomfortable with your anger/sadness/frustration,” in some way or another. It could be that that person did not understand how upset you were, but this is shaming someone for having their valid emotions.
I created Moody as a way to help families communicate their feelings by giving them a safe way to let out their frustrations. It’s not even so much that Moody can be ripped apart, but that a parent/caregiver can take the opportunity to talk about what happened when putting Moody BACK TOGETHER. Because Moody is an extension of their owner’s feelings. It’s a chance for a caregiver to honor a child’s emotions and communicate that the child is not “bad.”
As always, if you have any questions or comments about this month’s emotion, please don’t hesitate to comment below! If you would like to discuss a specific aspect of Shame, please let me know. Leave a comment or send me a DM!
If you are having a hard time coping with your emotions or you feel hopeless, I hope you will reach out to a trusted loved one, your doctor/therapist or the 988 suicide text hotline. You are not alone. You are loved.
Moody Talk Shame #3: Practicing Nonjudgmentalness
Welcome to Week 3 of our Shame Moody Talks! This week we are diving into a coping skill in DBT that aligns with Mindfulness and you may wonder if you can, or ever have, practiced Nonjudgmentalness for YOURSELF.
Sure, we can all remember times where we have been nonjudgmental with others - family, friends, co-workers. We can be completely empathetic for others, but what about for ourselves?
This week’s worksheet goes through exercises that can help you to practice that nonjudgmental on yourself. Shame, especially, is a tough emotion that we don’t give enough grace to ourselves - like we’re supposed to suffer because we deserve it. But that isn’t the truth, not by a long shot.
We can get downright obsessive with events we have felt shame from because we worry about how others will feel about us after that event. But we have to let go in order to move forward with our lives, especially if the event has been concluded either positively or negatively. If positively, then you’ve done what you needed to do to save the relationship or situation. If negatively, you have paid the price and it’s now time to step forward.
As always, if you have any questions or comments about this month’s emotion, please don’t hesitate to comment below! If you would like to discuss a specific aspect of Shame, please let me know. Leave a comment or send me a DM!
If you are having a hard time coping with your emotions or you feel hopeless, I hope you will reach out to a trusted loved one, your doctor/therapist or the 988 suicide text hotline. You are not alone. You are loved.
Worksheet:
Moody Talk Shame #4: Reducing Vulnerability in Emotion Mind
Our 4th and final Moody Talk on Shame discusses the DBT skill set ABC - used to reduce the distress an emotion can have in both the short and long term.
When someone is stuck in a Shame Spiral 🌀, it's difficult to move forward without carrying the emotion into relationships and every day life. Even when situations have concluded, regardless of how the relationships have held up or were lost, carrying that feeling that you are bad, in some way 😣
When stuck in Emotion Mind, reason doesn't play into the feeling. Facts are ignored and pain is held closely. Maybe because it's all you have and you are afraid to let go of the hurt. But this doesn't allow you to move forward and live a life without fear. You sit stagnant in the emotion 💔
By using ABC to reduce the "stuck" feeling, you are building up positive emotions, building mastery of tasks that gives a sense of accomplishment, and remembering the key coping skills you can use when Shame overwhelms you ❤️🩹
Worksheet:
